It's not even there...

decent improvement

3:30 pm 07.12.03

Okay, another entry. And this is one that's directed kindasorta toward Akuma (becuz I still lubb you, you big bastard) and other people who are tired of cryptic entries/me not posting and want to know how I'm really doing. Since nobody asked me to write anything specific, I'm going to write this.

How am I doing? Pretty good, actually. I'm not doing everything I'd like to be doing, I'm still in debt, and I don't know when I'll graduate, but I'm all right. For those of you who haven't been reading enough to realize, I'm living with my friend Beej over the summer while I take a single class at Columbus State, the Math 150 that has been plaguing me for months and months and months and that I never seem able to complete.

Last quarter at Ohio State I did not take a math class, I took it easy and I ended up with a 3.7 grade point average, and finally made Dean's List. My mother was very happy, and so was I. It's great to have a GPA boost like that after I'd been doing so crap for so long. I also took a Study Skills and Motivation course that quarter which I think really helped me change my outlook on things, not just academic but in many aspects of my life. And I took a second course of T'ai Chi, which not only made me feel good while doing, but made me feel so proud of myself for actually completing it, considering I'm out of shape and the movements can be kind of difficult for me.

My roommate and I did not get along again but that doesn't matter now. Beej and I get along great, despite some major differences of opinion and the fact that his couch is really fucking up my back and shoulders. In September we'll be moving to a new apartment and then I'll have my own room, and a real futon to sleep on, if I can help it. I don't know how well that will go but I'm pretty optimistic.

I still have my fish, Roscoe, who replaced Yumeto when he died, and he's a constant source of joy to me. I love to watch him swim around, and "play" with him... it's not often that one sees fish that react to people's presence, besides hiding from them. Beej likes him too, and we both talk to him sometimes. Anybody who says fish are terrible pets has never had a betta.

I really like my job. I work in the Human Resources department of the College of Food, Agricultural and Environmental Sciences, and my boss is a really nice lady. She seems to like me a lot too, and the people there with whom I work directly seem to really appreciate what I do, and the effort I put into my work, even when I screw up. It's supposed to be a long term position, and I can really see myself sticking around for a while. I love being useful.

And yes... I think I'm happy. I'm certainly not as panicked and upset all of the time like I used to be. I started making new friends last quarter, and hope to make a lot more. I'm the female co-chair of the Big Gay Student Group on campus. I carried the OSU flag in the Pride parade this year. I danced my ass off at a goth/bondage bar and didn't care about what I was wearing. I planted a kiss on a trans girl on her porch steps in the middle of a big party. I stood on a levy and watched a massive storm roll in all around me on the 4th of July and I was not afraid. I'm starting to stick my neck out, speak up, stand up, and not be so much of a wall flower.

And I think that's some pretty decent improvement, don't you?

Then || Now