It's not even there...

keep going

2:39 am 05.31.03

I keep forgetting to take my medication. I've only had it again for a week but I keep forgetting to take it. I remembered it today.

Sometimes I marvel at life. Sometimes I look around and I think everything is beautiful. I see the texture of things, the bark of trees, the fluff of a squirrel's tail, and I think everything is beautiful. I look up at the branches of the trees and the sky and the buildings rising above me... I don't think people look up nearly as much as they should. Sometimes there is a plane flying and the sun gleams silver on the body and the wings, and it is beautiful.

There is a girl. She has a sweet smile, and she has long, slender arms, and she's quiet a lot, but she knows how to laugh, and she isn't afraid to sing in front of us, even though she isn't any good at singing. She sings Christmas carols because she likes them. She came and sat with me when my betta died. She is my friend.

There is another girl. I have only been around her three times, but she is very affectionate and just the way she touches me when we are talking makes me feel attractive. She'll lean on my shoulder or she'll rub my arm and I really get the sense that she wants me to be there, talking to her, that she appreciates my presence. I want people to touch me more often but I am not sure how to ask them to.

I will be staying in Columbus over the summer. I will have a job and I will be taking one class. I feel as if things are moving forward. I hope they can keep going.

Then || Now