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The Necklace of Marie Antoinette >> Hannah Fury
With or Without You >> Keane
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lost

about a boy

Hold me close, the sky is breaking

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back

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i swing my hips when i walk.

a lot more than i used to... i take long strides, and my hips swing a bit, side to side to side to side...

i remember back in junior high, i tried to train myself to walk and descend staircases without making my breasts bounce.

now i try to walk so that they do. i want people to notice... i think they're one of the few nice things about my body.

but what's the point? nobody notices. nobody ever notices, except the gross creepy guys... ugh. i don't get my whole thought process sometimes. i go around hoping somebody will notice me, and then get upset when some nasty-ass creep does. it's never the people who i want to notice...

but i only do it sometimes. maybe i'm just obviously trying too hard. who knows?

can someone tell me what the fuck is going on with my life?

i don't.... know what's going on... it's... starting to feel like it did at the end of this summer, when i was always depressed... like i'm not conrolling anything, like things are just happening and i'm stuck in the middle of it all, helpless and lost and out of it... and i just don't know what's going on...

could someone please tell me?

she doesn't know........ she doesn't know what she wants......... she doesn't want to tell me anything until she knows it for sure... she gets theories but she doesn't want to say anything because she thinks it'll upset me.... probably things i've done that are fucking things up. probably. i screwed everything up with april, now i'm doing it with dawn.

we're "just dating" she says. insists upon it. i have to agree to that, for her peace of mind. i did it willingly... doesn't bother me. or does it? i don't even fucking know. open-ended, we've agreed to. we can see other people right now, since she's so far away. until she transfers to ohio state. if she transfers to ohio state. and not whatever college in west virgina or north carolina or wherever the hell she said it was.........

i hate not knowing what's going on. not knowing what's happening. being uncertain. i really hate that.

Then || Now